Monday, December 24, 2018
Thursday, September 6, 2018
"They are taking me to the emergency room. I have been in an accident," squeaked the voice into the answering machine. I could tell from the high pitch and rapid words coming from my normally stoic husband that this was more than just a precautionary measure.
"What! Wait a minute. What happened?" I countered as I picked up the receiver to ask a million questions. Yes, they were on their way to the emergency room and it was only his little finger but there had been lots of blood and they couldn't tell what the damage was.
Six hours and two emergency rooms later, the old boy came home with this tiny bandage and a couple of prescriptions. What was going on here? The last time he had been injured on the job his whole right hand had been scratched and chewed like a piece of old meat. What was the deal?
Two days later when the orthopedist examined him we realized this was not going to be a go-back-to-work-in-a-few-days situation This was going to be a six week practice run for retirement - an experiment of sorts to see what it was going to be like for a man who had worked since he was 16 years old and had answered to someone else's authority for most of those 40 plus years. All I could do was laugh although you could tell he was not so thrilled about the prospect of staying home with me for that period of time.
A year earlier, I had left teaching on sick leave in the middle of the year and not returned. It had been a rough transition for me and I expected it to be an even rougher one for him. So, we are taking this opportunity to pass on some advice to those who may find themselves looking at retirement in a few years and not sure how to approach it.
1. Expect to Grieve A Little
While I had my "honey-do" listed primed and ready, my husband's reaction was something more than embracing a chance to do all those things we never seemed to have time for. My husband was lost. Time off before had been a chance to rest, relax and do what he wanted to do. Now there was no routine, too much sleep, endless television and the reality that this could be a couple of decades of endless 'freedom'. That became a scary event. He missed his co-workers. He missed the solitude of the drive to and from work, He missed the hard work and someone needing his expertise. He had lost something important and for a few days he just thought about that lost and how it could impact his future. I realized myself a year before that it while I was relieved on one hand, there was a hole in my life. It takes time to fill that space but giving yourself time to do so will make the rest of retirement much happier.
2. Make Budget Adjustments Prior to Retirement
Regardless of how well you plan for retirement, there will be a shift in how your budget works. If you have been a household of weekly paychecks like ours, suddenly going to monthly benefit checks can be an upheaval. Even for our short practice session, payments had to be changed. my suggestion is to pay bills ahead to give your budget a chance to ease into the change. Ideally, you have reduced or paid off all debt but sometimes that isn't possible. Keep your future budget in mind as you consider any large purchases and refinance options. Remember - just because the bank says it is a good idea, doesn't mean it will be right for your future self. Retirement income does not generally increase over time and even good planning can't keep unexpected events from happening. Be cautious.
3. Don't Expect Great Changes to Come - Ever!
Like many people our age, we have been planning and talking about retirement for what seems like forever. We have talked about traveling. We have talked about health issues, We have certainly talked about money and we have talked about ways to fill the gaps that will certainly be there. Both my husband and I are/were happy in our jobs. We liked working. Without that structure in our lives, neither one of us does well. Somewhere about week three of this trial retirement, I realized that retirement could not be that much different than work life for my husband. It was then that we put some of his work habits into practice at home. After 40+ years of living with the same type of routine, the chances of us ever doing anything different just increases our chances of being frustrated and unhappy. Yes, we will travel. Yes we will work less and spend more time reading, talking to friends and experiencing life. It just isn't going to all be fun. After all, fun isn't fun if it happens every day.
My husband is happily back to work these days. He is a little slower than before his time-off and his hand is still a bit tender but he is back to normal. I recently asked him if he had learned anything about possible retirement in a year or so. He looked off into space and said, "Maybe".
Personally, I am glad for the sudden long-term absence my husband has experienced. Those few weeks gave both of us a perspective that neither of us would have had otherwise. I hope it means that when the time comes, real retirement will be an easy and welcome transition and not a source of concern. As my husband said, "Maybe".
Monday, March 5, 2018
Originally Posted in March of 2018, it may be that many of us are stuck in a Nowhere Land between Pandemic restrictions and normalcy. I thought it a good idea to revisit the topic although I perhaps have too many things on my plate. Motivation is often like money, too much or too little gives us headaches.
I am must be in Nowhere Land.
You know we have all been here. The place where you try your best but still do not manage to get much scratched off your to-do list. Well, I am firmly stuck in Nowhere Land.
I have at least a half dozen blog posts that I cannot seem to finish. The ideas are good ones. Each of the topics has kept me from getting a good night's sleep or listening to the preacher's sermon or distracting me from the end of the who-dunnit tv show I have stayed up to watch. And yet, that last bit of focus that says "Yes, this is what I want" seems to be missing. I am in Nowhere Land.
It's more than writer's block. Its like someone put molasses in my veins and it is taking every ounce of motivation to get dressed, wash a few dishes, a load of clothes and finish a jigsaw puzzle on my iPad. You know those days. We have all felt this way. You are neither up nor down, sad nor happy, angry nor supportive. You are Nowhere. Just here - or is it there. Hmph?
For me it often strikes during the last few weeks of winter. If you live in Virginia or North Carolina, you have experienced our crazy weather. Ten days ago it was 75 degrees and I had the windows open. Over the weekend it was 60 mile per hour winds and tomorrow afternoon it is supposed to be snow flurries and back in the 40s for the rest of the week. On some level, one just cannot figure out how one is to plan for the day.
These are the days when one misses having a regular job as a motivator. If you are a temporary resident in Nowhere Land, your attire might be pajamas for three days in a row and your favorite food might be icing out of a tub. To a mental health profession, you have just described a person experiencing some form of mental break down. But Nowhere Land is just not on the mental health map.
Don't get me wrong, I am not making light of the thousands of people who experience mental health issues. I am a big supporter of nutritional psychology which examines how certain foods can effect mood and personality. I have found myself removing foods from my diet when realizing they made me just a bit too crazy and adding others when life just isn't normal. (but I digress) For me, however, and probably far more people than will own up to it, finding oneself in Nowhere Land is something of a mental holiday. In all probability, in a couple of days, that half a dozen posts will suddenly pop up on screen, my housework will be caught up and a trip to the grocery store will not take the planning of a three week vacation.
For now, I am sending my regards from Nowhere Land and I hope to be back with you in a few days. :)
Thursday, February 22, 2018
In simple terms, if you are an unpopular or incompetent leader, all you needed to do was create a threat to divert attention from the real problems. In return, the populus will solidify behind you and they would love you as you took them to war or economic ruin. It was that simple and he recounted example after example of just such blind loyalty. Surely, it could not be that simple, I have thought over the years. But as I age and have seen more than a few administrations come and go, I am beginning to see what he tried to tell us would happen..
Fear is a powerful force and can be used to hide a multitude of problem. No person is completely immune to its effects. One person fears gun violence and another fears taking away one's Second Amendment rights. When was the last time citizens were asked by their local government to band together to repel an invading group of people? That was the reason the Second Amendment was added to the constitution – because communities needed to protect themselves against warring tribes, and British and French forces seeking to conquer neighboring lands. How many will vote for a candidate who proclaims protection of gun rights when that person has no experience whatsoever in government? Are Americans not willing to spend millions of dollars to protect those around to fight any and every war to feel safe at home?
Abortion, infidelity, and sexual orientation are also great diverters of attention.. Abortion did not start with Roe vs. Wade. Women have been practicing the terminantion of pregnancy since early civilization. Natural herbs as well as dangerous semi-surgical procedures were used long before the Church became involved. If abortion has taken place for thousands of years, how can one argue that society will fail if it isn't banned. In the same way, sexual preference and infidelity are considered major issues but have been around as long as man (or woman).
So what should the American public fear? Take the national debt for instance. According to government sources, it is now over $20 trillion dollars. Such a big number is so hard to understand. It is the equivalent of running the entire Federal Government for 5 years. An individual or even a company that owed five times its annual income would be considered a poor risk by most lending institution. What is truly scary though, is that, unlike a bank loan our government does not really make payments on this debt? Two thirds of this debt is held by individuals, companies and foreign governments and repayment can be demanded at a moment's notice. The other one third, about 7 trillion dollars, is borrowed from the Social Security Trust Fund. Ever wonder why Congress never seems willing to increase Social Security pay to seniors. The answer is very simple – because it would mean that the national debt would need to be reduced and the only way to do that is to raise taxes or cut defense spending. At this point, Americans fear rising taxes and giving up protecting the world more than its leaders' choice to live beyond its means.
Fear is great for business as well. No one expects a pay raise when America is threatened at the very core of its being by illegal immigration. Business knows that as long as this issue looms in the wings, Americans will gladly tighten the belt and ask for nothing in return. It worked when the Scots-Irish came to the factories and the mines and when the Chinese were brought in to build the railroads. It works just as well in today's economy. And yet, it is the very programs that increase jobs and give companies tax breaks that entice immigrants to come to this country. Without the fear of losing jobs, would employees be so willing to make pennies on the dollar while profits were funneled into corporate bonuses and expensive retreats?
Maybe the time has come for Americans to see how their fear has been keeping them in their place for too long. Certainly, there has been enough questionable news over the last two years to feel a change in the direction of the wind of public opinion. More and more people are standing up to the rhetoric and expecting real action. They feel the need to call out “fake news” and “alternative facts” regardless of which side of the aisle is responsible. Americans may not be as divided as portrayed. A simple Low-Fear Diet may bring about the concensus that the media says doesn't exist.
I still think back to how much I learned that summer, how little it had to do with the past and how much it has to do with the present. Thank you Professor. I did listen in class and it did make an impression.
Monday, February 19, 2018
**Originally Posted in February 2018, this brief comment was about the Parkland High School Shooting in Florida. As a former high school teacher who had often worried about violence on campus, I was grateful to be safely at home that day. In 2007, I had experienced the Virginia Tech mass shooting (my daughter worked on campus at the time) through my computer messages while trying to remain focused on a clasroom of talkative young women. It, now, seems unbelievable that these words are just a applicable now as they were then. Sadly, this was only one of four school shootings that would lead up to Valentine's Day that year. (See addition in RED)
There is already one post about the senseless shooting of young people on this blog and it would be better for all if that were the extent of it. But the country is dealing with yet another act of violence on school grounds. (2021-Wikipedia now documents the vast number of school shootings in multiple lists. The first school related shooting took place in 1853 according to those lists) There will be much blame spread around and many excuses like every event before it. The one thing that may be different about this time, is the anger of the victims themselves. Instead of mourning and moving on. these young people have decided that their voices will be heard. Unlike their parents and grandparents who, for the last 20 years, have tried to work within the system to make things better, these young people will join with hundreds - if not thousands- and they will take their fight public. They will expect those in charge to explain how the rights of one person to own a gun can outweigh the lives of all those who have been killed by them. Instead of watching the ineffective government stand by the constitution to protect them from making decisions that might be unpopular to gun owners and lobbies, they will vote for those who see that the world is a different place and one in need of change. They will be heard and with any luck, this WILL be the last time a school shooting occurs.
|Parkland High School Students Protest Gun Violence On Campus|
****As hard as the Parkland High School students worked and as creative as they were with their approach, the majority of state and local governments, still, permit guns to be readily carried. While the COVID-19 pandemic may have slowed shootings at public events, the toll on individuals and families has been high. This week, two gun violence trials will further highlight the use of firearms in inappropriate settings. Is our Constitution right to protect ourselves more important than the safely of innocent people who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Monday, February 5, 2018
Religion: Does Your Church Have a Sheep Ministry? It Should
- Be the Shepherd - Even if you have others who are committed to pastoral care, make sure your first purpose is to be the “good shepherd” (John 10). Know each and every person attending your church (not just members) and continue to learn about them. Make the contact personal and more than the handshake you give before or after Sunday Service.
- Remember the Nasty Ones - Every farmer has one or two nasty old mamas that they would not part with for any amount of money. While they can be a pain to work with, they can also give great support for you in your ministry.
- Keep records – No one can remember everything. Keeping notes on your pastoral flock can be an excellent tool in building a foundation of trust. But a word of caution – This is not a place to 'fake-it-until-you-make-it'. Do your own homework. Sooner or later insincerity always finds its way into the light and is difficult to repair.
- Expect to work for it – Paul doesn't sugar coat the job in his many letters to the early Christians. The salary and benefit package may be better than it was in Paul's time but the job is still 24/7/365 if you follow Paul's example. There will be the easy days and there will be days that nothing goes right. Even if you have structures in place that allow you to take time off, recognize that regularly missing out on the daily life of the church hinders your ability to connect and influence those in your care..
- Don't expect Thank yous – Sheep, and humans, are hungry and thirsty every single day. It is only if you expect nothing and open yourself up personally that you will see the signs of true gratitude. A first-time volunter, an increase in giving even if the coffers are full, or a quick email can be far more rewarding than a spoken one.
- Lead without Force - This is where a shepherd reaps the rewards of his/her efforts. As it says in John 10, a flock that trusts its shepherd will follow him/her. Save yourself some trouble and before you try to take your flock on a new journey of faith, get to know them and let them get to know you. Trust is a lot easier on the Shepherd than constantly wielding the Shepherd's crook.